Voir version anglaise sur interhomeopathy.org
2007 Avril
Datura arborea/ Paranoid jealousy
CASE Paranoid Jealousy & Rages
6/3/02
Case Background:
Patient (woman, 41y.) dresses colorfully and attractively. Her delivery is very animated and often dramatic. She is loquacious and talks with very little need for prompting. She speaks freely without reservation, even shamelessly at times. She also spontaneously flows from one topic to the next without transition, like a very uninhibited free association. In addition, there were several instances where the patient described graphic sexual encounters freely. The patient was previously treated with Hyos for several years with good success.
S: I'm never thirsty, and I don’t drink water. I don't like the taste of water, and if I drink it I get low blood sugar. I get light headed and irritable, cold sweats and a little trembly.
How can I help? I'm here for mostly mental stuff. I feel that I'm starting to go through the change of life, and I'm only in my 40’s. It started as insomnia, always waking @ 3:00 am. Then hot flashes. It feels like my neck gets hot. My face feels like I'm in an oven. I'm having one right now, it gets flushed, and it feels burning, like ant bites. I also have rosacea, which has gotten worse since menopause.
The slightest provocation, the littlest upset from Stanley (boyfriend), if he pisses me off, I feel like this rage rising from my liver. I'd feel it rise like mercury rising with a thermometer. Then my flushing is so red from the anger. The anger is so intense. I want to throw things and scream, I have images of scratching his face, and seeing him bleed. Usually the images are around clawing his face. I can find the slightest flaw, or if he does something that seems thoughtless, or dinner isn’t ready on time (giggling). There is a voice inside my head that knows it is no big deal. My whole body and the part that is controlling me is getting pissed off and being bitchy, and saying something. I say it out loud, I rip him a new one, about the littlest things.
Jealousy is automatic, without even thinking about it. I inspect him physically for signs of another woman. I'm observing him for perfume, a cigarette, lipstick, or proof that he is screwing around. It is almost unconscious. If he shares with me that Mary (a co-worker) and he were talking about something - I get SO jealous, I feel betrayed that he is sharing himself. Men who screw around lie about it. If he’s saying he isn’t screwing around, how does it differ from him screwing around and lying about it, that is in there, the constant doubt.
I feel paranoid. I think he is using me for my house. He is such a handsome man, used to women taking care of him. Women who will cook and clean and give sexual favors. I assign really horrible intentions to him. All of these things happen, and then it is gone! Then I'm a normal sane woman, then I'm loving and caring and wise.
I've always prided myself about having good intuition about people. Ever since childhood, had dreams that were psychic. When in an intimate relationship, it gets so distorted, it gets completely skewed. My fear taints it.
If I see Stanley do something, I can't separate my own fear and jealousy when interpreting his actions. I interpret in the worst imaginable way. When I come home from work, I want undivided attention and get pissed off if he is doing something else. One part of me knows that it is ridiculous, but there is a part of me that feels rejected. I’m often feeling unimportant - he doesn't love me; doesn't care.
I’ve felt disrespected by my brother and sister recently. I felt abandoned, not considered. I got my feelings hurt, and they say ‘ you're such a victim’ I don't feel like I fit in, like at work. It was like entering this family and not being a part of it. I always feel like I don't belong. I just feel like I'm different from people, my way of communicating, I talk loud, the way I dress, or say off the wall things sometimes.
My pace is at speed two in a society that is operating at a ten. Conversations I can't keep up with, especially since menopause, my brain is moving more slowly. When someone speaks, their words have to move through thick jelly before I respond. Then by the time it sifts through, they are on to the next subject, I get left behind.
One of the things I hear myself saying often is, ‘my purpose in having a conversation is to find out about the person I'm talking to’. I'm often disappointed that people don't ask me about myself, it hurts my feelings, feel invisible, not seen, people don't care. Been saying that a lot lately, feel I'm invisible.
The times when I feel the happiest, or most alive, is when there is a reciprocation of deep conversation. I feel like I belong, that is when I feel connected. Because so much of my unhappiness is about feeling alone, and unconnected.
I really like sex, genital, oral and that is it. I've observed at times that the thought of him fucking another woman totally turns me on; the same thing that can bother me so much totally turns me on. Sometimes I feel attracted to women, not a visual of their genitalia, it is just the softness of a women's body would feel nice to rub up against.. (goes into some graphic detail here)
I cry really easily, always have. When I cry in anger, it is because it is so intense. My biological father is schizophrenic, any time I've felt unbalanced emotionally I fear that I'm going to become schizophrenic. With my paranoid jealousy comes a fear of insanity. I've had it forever, it is a big one. (patient goes into graphic detail about sexuality in her extended family)
I have a really strong spiritual life. It is not about being Catholic, or rules. I know there is a God, one that unites all of us. I have personal experience with the Virgin Mary, dreams where she came to me, she told me not to eat chocolate when I was pregnant. Times when I've prayed to her and feel her in the room with me. I've had a couple of experiences where someone died, and within a few days, I felt their presence. I have a lot of skin stuff, legs lately been getting tiny red spots. Started on left. Things tend to start on left, and stay on left, or go from left to right. I have herpes, and if I ever get outbreak, will get on left labia. I have arthritis.
With relationship things can be really good, or bad, up and down. When I have sex, and I don't want to, even a tiny part of me, my hips hurt, my left leg joint starts to hurt. I had asthma as a child.
I will sit with my face in my hands a lot. I touch my face a lot, is comforting to me. I have a VERY acute sense of smell. I could smell the bananas in the other room, in the fridge. Even now I can tell your last patient’s perfume. Or if someone had a BM and didn't wipe well. When having sex, his smell can turn me on, it evokes emotion. Can sometimes not like someone's smell, and that is animal, there is a lot of me that is an untamed beast, uncivilized.
Then the part that is ultra-civilized, criticizes the wild part of me. I have a brown spot on my lower lip. (O: Looks reddish, small blemish on center of lower lip.) My face twitches sometimes when I'm nervous. The nasal wings twitch, and left eyelid, the top, and sometimes my chin.
I've been having stomach aches, with anxiety. Burning pain, like gastritis or something. When jealousy is most intense, I get diarrhea. I feel that my intestines spasm, they squeeze. Sometimes feel that my rectum clamps down hard.
I get all tenderhearted and mushy with the girls I baby-sit and with Stanley too. Just looking at him, my heart just opens, and I'm so moved with love. Feel that way with mom and dad too. I can feel so much love for people, family and friends. I love the trees and flowers, can get so emotional. Can feel so much gratitude for creation. Trees talk to me, they teach me a lot. And animals too, like to watch nature too, learn what I can from watching nature.
I dream of flying - recurring often with birds, eagles, hummingbirds. Some of my scary or anxiety dreams are being on a boat that is sinking or about friends and family in a sinking boat. The feeling of the dream, not real fearful, I'm apathetic about it.
I had a recurring nightmare, from infancy to age 30, hit me again the other night. It was this horrible man looming, demon, looming over my face, usually he is surrounded in this fog. I wake up screaming. Recently Stanley was the demon.
The recurring dream? It was my dad, when I was a little kid, he terrorized us, he stalked us after their divorce. So it came into my dreams, he threatened to kill us, often.
More about the dream? I'm in bed, and there is this ghost, kind of. It is a mist-enshrouded face that is looming down, hanging down over my face. It is going to get me, going to eat me or do something bad to me.
Any variation to the dream? The color of the mist was usually red, but sometimes black, or sometimes it was a spider that was going to get me.
Say something about animals? I love birds, big birds, and I dream of birds, I fly with the birds, dream of blue herons and eagles. I've dreamed about and feel warmth towards sea mammals, dolphins and whales. When I see spiders I recognize that they could be poisonous, but I don't get all paranoid, not particularly scared.
Any physical sensations? I feel a lot in my stomach, it is the seat of my emotions. Anger is here (points to right hypochondria) , while sadness, is solar plexus. Anger feels sometimes as if it is coming up from the liver area, when really jealous, my intestines squeeze. My gut is where most of my emotions happen.
Sensations in liver? That is the source of the heat that rises. Sadness feels cold, when I get upset, angry/sad, I get cold, shivery cold.
Run hot or cold? I tend to be cold, tend to wear sweaters when others are wearing shorts.
Any overly acute senses? Sound and smell.
Sound? Noises can really irk me, at home, usually have it quiet, because even the tone of music, can feel uncomfortable with it. Doesn't hurt my ears, just feel anxious. Also, if asleep, and a noise wakes me up, it irritates the shit out of me, hate to be awakened by a noise.
When alone at night, does your imagination act up? Yes, I'm afraid that someone might rape me or be violent. I don't walk alone at night, and don't walk in the forest by self. It is the old -someone is going to get me- feeling.
Fears? I'm kind of afraid of dogs, not a phobia because I love dogs. But when I see a dog on the street, always afraid it might bite me, I was bitten by a dog on the face once. I don't like to get into water that is murky, swimming in a river or a lake, or the ocean. I don't like to swim in water with other organisms, or people, in public.
As a child? I always use to think that someone was spying on me, like peeking in the window. Sometimes still have this discomfort that somebody might be watching me. I was a pretty courageous child, and still am pretty courageous. I had a fear of abandonment, and still do. In my relationship, I'm so sure even if I pick the biggest loser, I'm sure that they will leave me. I hate the thought of people talking about me, talking behind my back, I call that betrayal. I have gout. When drink too much red wine, I get joint pain in left big toe.
My Homeopathic Process:
During the interview, I considered that this could be a night shade of some sort. I saw the following Nightshade Family themes:
• Dreams - Demons & Faces, Possessed
• Shameless - Sexual
• Forsaken/Jealousy
• Out of Control, Wild Animal
• Averse Water
• Fear of Dogs (Wild animals)
I also knew that the patient had received wonderful help from Hyoscyamus for three or four years, which now was no longer acting. So while the intake was occurring, I was listening for symptoms that would help me to differentiate which nightshade it might be.
I remember being particularly struck by her distinct sensation of heat from the liver. It has been rare for me to hear anyone say such a clear sensation involving the liver. I looked it up using Mac repertory during the interview. Here’s what I saw:
Abdomen; HEAT; liver (6) : aloe, cench.KentC, dat-a.Brk, kali-c., podo.HalH, sabad.
I became excited when I saw a Datura in the small rubric. Of course, I didn’t know the Remedy, so I did an extraction of Datura Arborea and found the following rubrics:
1. • Delusions, imaginations: body, body parts: feet: touching scarcely the ground.
• Delusions, imaginations: floating in air.
• Delusions, imaginations: light, incorporeal, immaterial, he is.
• Vertigo; FLOATING, as if
• Generalities; LIGHTNESS, sensation of
2. • Concentration: difficult.
• Confusion of mind. Mind; THOUGHTS; collect, cannot
• DELUSIONS, IMAGINATIONS: IDEAS FLOATING OUTSIDE OF BRAIN.
• Mind; THOUGHTS; wandering
3. • Mind; INSANITY, madness
4. • Stomach; HEARTBURN
• Abdomen; HEAT; liver
5. • Comfort, sensation of.
• Delusions, imaginations: beautiful, wonderful
• Desires: beautiful things, finery.
• DELUSIONS, IMAGINATIONS: BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL: ATMOSPHERE, IN.
• Mind; QUIETUDE, stillness, sensation of, when she sits still
• Dream, as if in a.
6. • Stomach; CONTRACTION; general
• Stomach; CONTRACTION; general; cardiac orifice
• Stomach; PAIN; cramping, griping, constricting
7. • Clairvoyance.
Given that I thought the patient could need Dat-a, I wanted to find out if she experienced her thinking process similar to some of the symptoms listed above in box 2, so I prompted:
(Trying to confirm Remedy) Can you say more about how you experience your thoughts, your thinking? Last night I was at a gathering and one woman was talking. It was as if she was speaking a foreign language, I could not understand what she was trying to say. It was as if each sentence was separate and unrelated to the next sentence. Her words and thoughts seemed fragmented. Or at least that is how I received them, as disconnected bits and pieces. I felt like I was from another planet or something, like I had no frame of reference to hear what she was saying. She was talking about a subject about which I know nothing and about which I have no opinion. I wished she would shut up. I thought she was wasting time talking about something unimportant.
I thought her accounting above very closely approximated the symptoms in box 2, particularly the rubrics:
• Confusion of mind. Mind; THOUGHTS; collect, cannot
• DELUSIONS, IMAGINATIONS: IDEAS FLOATING OUTSIDE OF BRAIN.
So, next I wanted to see if she experienced her body similar to the symptoms noted in box 6 above and asked:
(Trying to confirm Remedy) Say more about how you experience your body? I sometimes feel like I am not in my body. When I am ruminating in my thoughts, which can happen pretty often, it is as if I am in another place and time, away from my body and the present, lost in my thoughts and fears. When I am depressed, my body feels heavy and slow, but not real heavy. As if the animation is missing and I just want to lay down and sleep. Which I do, sleep. It helps me to feel better.
I felt like she confirmed this state of floating, or the out of body sensation noted for Datura Arborea. So I was satisfied at this point that this could be a good prescription for her.
Next, I went on to “tracking”. This is a process I go through with most of my patients. I came up with it several years ago. It is a simple tool to help me make more precise assessments at follow-ups. Previously I’d been frustrated that a patient would come in, seemingly doing very well. Then several follow-ups later the Remedy would fail and I’d be confused. When I looked back, I realized I’d been influenced by my own excitement that the patient was on the right Remedy. I’d neglected to be thorough enough to note every symptom. I’d unconsciously biased myself into thinking the Remedy was accurate, when in fact it was a clear similar which was not addressing the totality of symptoms.
So I thought if I simply was thorough and took a few minutes to note every symptom that should change on a good prescription, it would be a more precise tool for future assessments.
I usually start tracking by asking the patient something like “If this medicine were to help you, how would you know?” “In other words, how would you know that you were getting better?” Then I’d coach the patient away from vague markers, and help him/her to define the current frequency of symptoms and intensity. Then I use the itemized list at each follow-up to keep a grounded record of symptoms. This has matured into a very useful tool. Below is the list that this patient authored with a bit of my guidance:
Tracking, 6/3/02:
1 I will feel more comfortable in my skin, have had a lot of anxiety lately, not feeling more comfortable, that I will feel myself and okay with myself.
2 Less critical of others.
3 Less stomach problems - emotional changes, therefore less stomach sensations – daily.
4 More - even emotions - less anger, depression, more satisfaction, and calm, and joy.
5 Jealousy - every week at least, and sometimes every day.
6 Seeing Stanley for what he is, and not assigning him bad intentions.
7 People are judging me - that whole paranoia thing.
8 Anxiety frequency? Chronic low level anxiety every day, constant companion - not necessarily specific - responsibilities, shopping, work, relationship.
9 Thirst? If started drinking water.
10 Fear of insanity.
11 Fear of abandonment.
6/17/02 - Case Note: Patient's Remedy arrived from Helios today.
Prescription 1. Datura arborea 200c, single dose dry.
7/26/02 – (First Follow-up - Approximately one month after dose.)
S: Diagnozed with lump in breast June 5th.
Your impression of this Remedy? I think it is helping, my head feels a lot clearer, the whole jelly thing is gone, I feel sharp. Feel my thoughts are clear. My comprehension is clear. I'm also feeling newly enthusiastic, don't know what to attribute it to, the sunny weather has been great. Despite the fear of breast cancer stuff, and relationship stuff, I'm feeling pretty enthusiastic. And I don't have any stomach symptoms or sensations. The ruminating about jealousy, where I’d think about what he is doing, thinking about it, that is gone. Still jealous somewhat though.
We were at a party and I sensed an attraction between him and another woman, and asked him about it. I didn't obsess about it. It was there, I sensed it and I let it go. In the past, before it might have been a weekend of jealousy-hell. I'm not going there anymore.
Oh, an old symptom of mine seemed to come back. My last period, I experienced menstrual cramps, haven’t had them for a long time. That day I'd smoked pot, and was lying on the couch. I was being present with my cramps, they were really intense, and lasted for a couple of hours. When I was a teenager, had really bad cramps.
Impression? It is helping, definitely, definitely.
Anything not better? I'm still as critical as ever, but perhaps with more insight now. I've been pretty dang irritable too.
I've not had any hot flashes, but been taking vitamin E and C continuously. I haven't felt the huge surges of rage that I was having. I told you that I was wanting to stab him or something. Now it is more like little flares of anger, instead of a volcano. Which feels more comfortable.
Notice anything after the dose? No, it was really subtle. I felt like the major shifts happened when I got the plant. (Note: I recommended that the patient obtain the plant for her home, which she did.)
Dreams? I have a really intense and varied dream life. It has continued to be rich. I haven't noticed any change. Last night dreamed about a scary man who will get me, not the old one, of the face. But this was a man who had bad intentions towards me. I've had a couple of psychic dreams since I've had this Remedy, but that is consistent.
Tracking, 7/26/02:
1 I will feel more comfortable in my skin, have had a lot of anxiety lately, not feeling more comfortable, that I will feel myself and okay with myself.
I feel that is good, an improvement.
2 Less critical of others.
Unchanged.
3 Less stomach problems - emotional changes, therefore less stomach sensations – daily.
That is gone, don't have any now.
4 More - even emotions - less anger, depression, more satisfaction, and calm, and joy.
Yes, that is better too. Still have all the emotions, but basic state is feeling pretty good.
5 Jealousy - every week at least, and sometimes every day.
Way better.
6 Seeing Stanley for what he is, and not assigning him bad intentions.
I've gotten better there, don't assign him intentions.
7 People are judging me - that whole paranoia thing
I would say it is better, but still a little of it. I also just don't care. For instance, brother had a party, I was the bad guy, and I didn’t care. That is a definite change. It was a huge drama, but so chill, didn't get sucked into the drama at all, quite pleased with myself.
8 Anxiety frequency? Chronic low level anxiety every day, constant companion - not necessarily specific - responsibilities, shopping, work, relationship.
So much better, I'm not anxious generally. Feeling pretty happy.
9 Thirst? If started drinking water.
Unchanged.
10 Fear of insanity.
It hasn't entered my mind. It was there with the jealousy and paranoia, that felt insane.
11 Fear of abandonment.
The other day, he was really critical of me, I was so mad. Then I thought the next day, that he'd maybe want to be with someone else. It was a thought of abandonment, and yet it felt so good, what a relief. It has really changed, I definitely had that fear of abandonment. The feeling isn't fear, now it is if he leaves that will be good.
Analysis: Patient is responding wonderfully, follow-up to be in 4 months. Patient was also given 1M and is preparing a 200c from the spare Remedy packet given previously, in case of need, for upcoming breast biopsy this Monday.
Prescription: 1. Use Datura arborea 200c PRN (if needed) pre or post op.
2. If needed, use Dat-a 1M (Helios) PRN if 200c is not sufficient.
Follow-Up
Friday, 12/6/02 (Five months after original dose.)
S: I used the Remedy acutely a few times. I had the breast surgery, day of surgery, used it to calm my nerves. I used it before and didn’t have any pain, healed without infection. However, it healed in a keloid-way, it was raised and red and thick. Never had keloid scarring before. I’ve also used it during a flu, and it nicked it in the bud.
I then had a black eye, from a fight with my former boyfriend. (Note: She broke up with Stanley.) It was a bad time. That is the news of acute use.
My stomach has been fine. I don’t have anxiety, there is no anxiety. I’ve had a full spectrum of emotions around this break-up, but has been appropriate around it. (Note: She is weeping.) As far as the paranoid thinking, I still wonder if people like me, like people at work. People at work, why don’t they call me, still feel like I don’t fit in at work. But at church feel well supported, and actually at work too – people to help me move out. I hear of gatherings that happen and I’m not invited. I’m sleeping fine. Hot flashes have been minimal, mostly if eat spicy foods, or drink ETOH, especially red wine.
I’m finally free of this thing that has been dragging me around all my life, poor choices related to sex. Don’t feel motivated by sex anymore. I’m actually feeling kind of averse to it, to the thought of it. I think as a response to such a dramatic break-up with Stanley. Feeling pretty averse to the thought of relationship or men. Have had some good realizations about trust issues. Because I grew up with that issue in the first years of my life. My first experience of men, my father was terrorizing to us, and my grandfather sexually abused me. I learned that men will use you and abuse you. I’ve been operating under that experience. Like ducks who are raised in horizontal lines, can’t see in vertical. So what is imprinted is our perception of reality. I feel kind of hopeful, that I can recognize that is how I’ve been operating, and ask for grace to see lines of all directions.
Tracking, 12/6/02:
1 I will feel more comfortable in my skin, have had a lot of anxiety lately, not feeling more comfortable, that I will feel myself and okay with myself.
This is good.
2 Less critical of others.
I’m feeling a lot more compassionate. Especially since I’ve been involved in domestic violence (Fight with Stanley) . Since I’ve behaved in a way that is imperfect. Even before that was feeling more accepting. Didn’t find myself thinking how awful Stanley was, but had already decided to break up with him. Overall less critical.
3 Less stomach problems - emotional changes, therefore less stomach sensations – daily.
That is gone, I’d had this rising heat from my liver, but no more.
4 More – even emotions - less anger, depression, more satisfaction, and calm, and joy.
I can’t say emotions are even, I’ve had some real sadness about the break-up, and some intense anger. The emotions I experience are quite rich, but short-lived, and don’t take away my capacity for joy. Can still feel grateful for friends and people at work. My emotional life is rich and balanced, it feels healthy for me. I’m not stuck or getting obsessed. I’m feeling pretty good emotionally.
5 Jealousy - every week at least, and sometimes every day.
I feel like this was helped, it ceased to be an irrational emotional fear that I was obsessed with. Became more of a response, more rational, I had more clarity about what I was feeling.
6 People are judging me, that whole paranoia thing.
I think it has diminished some, still feel left out. Like I don’t fit in, and like I’m being judged. Although when I went to work with a black eye, my main emotion was that people were going to see me and think I was one of “those women.” A major fear of being judged. That is still pretty strong.
7 Anxiety frequency? Chronic low level anxiety every day, constant companion - not necessarily specific - responsibilities, shopping, work, relationship.
Wouldn’t say it is chronic anxiety anymore. Don’t’ have that anymore.
10 Thirst? If started drinking water.
I still don’t drink much water. More? I don’t like the taste of it. I drink tea all day, just not water.
11 Fear of insanity.
It has not been on my mind. My emotions are still intense, but accept them about myself. I haven’t been having the emotions I judge as pathological.
12 Fear of abandonment.
That was always present with Stanley or when in relationship. But now I’m not in a relationship, I don’t have it anyway.
Analysis: Patient feels she is doing well. Doesn’t need any Remedy for the time being. Also we are leaving it open as to the need for appointments, i.e. appointments PRN.
Prescription: 1. Appointment – leave open as needed.
Follow-Up
Monday, 5/19/03 (Ten months after original dose.)
S: How are you? I think some of my old symptoms are relapsing. I’ve moved and now live in a small town. I’ve gotten to know all the people living immediately around me. I wake up in the morning and am eager to go out and go visiting. A good number of these neighbors are of the male species. Whether they are interested in me or not, I want them to like me. I found myself totally boy crazy. It is not sexually, not romantically, just wanting their attention. When I go down stairs, I want them to look at me and think I’m pretty.
There is an undercurrent of anxiety with that, a sort of freneticness with that. Another thing I’m doing that is somewhat connected to that is that I’m hanging out with some dangerous men. One is an ex-Hell's Angels guy. He is an alcoholic, he is rude, crude and socially unacceptable. I love hanging out with him, having a drink, and smoking. There is some risk to my reputation for associating with him. Sometimes I think it would be fun to just fuck him, but know that there are consequences for this.
Then there is this other guy, a Native American. His past is bad, he is charming, and I’m going out with him. I’m not opening my heart to him, or my arms or my legs. I’m keeping him at a distance, I’m toying with him. This is old behavior. There were times in my youth, as a teenager, where I toyed with men and teased them. Just to feel desirable. In retrospect, I see that I wanted love. I don’t want these guys to love me, but I do want their admiration. With both of them, I’m kind of vulgar. I like to shock these guys.
I’m also hyper-aware of being watched, people's opinions of me. Sometimes at home, even when home doing the dishes, I’m thinking someone could be watching me. Which is an old experience.
When I was 8, and sister was 12, she was just sprouting breasts. One of the neighbor boys was at the window, watching. That may have been the delusion, that somebody is watching me. Which makes it difficult to relax, because often feel like I’m on, on display. Being scrutinized, being measured up or judged. That is a long term, chronic experience for me. I’ve been drinking more, and smoking cigarettes. I’m kind of in a wild stage right now, but not fucking anyone right now. I’m teasing and flirting. In the past the issue of wanting to fit in at work, and with those groups.
With all of this, generally I’m feeling really good. I’m generally blissed or ecstatic, sometimes a freneticness about it, but also excited about my new life. On physical stuff, have some muscle tension on my left side. My face is more pimply, just a bit. When drinking wine, the next day my legs hurt, my knees hurt.
O: Patient is very excitable, cheerful, silly, elated in presentation.
Dreams? I’ve dreamed about big birds. Whooping cranes. In the past about great blue herons and storks. This time it was whooping cranes. Bringing me messages from the universal source.
I’m doing really great at work, working really hard. Doing really well in general, except this boy craziness thing, which is not bad, kind of fun.
Acne rosacea? It hasn’t changed during TX. (O: She has it only on the right cheek.) The day after drinking, it gets red bilaterally, my whole face gets flushed.
Arthritis? When I eat red meat, or drink ETOH, I get pain in my left hip, usually 24 to 48 hours later. It goes away within 48 hours.
Only hip? My knees and my legs ache after drinking, but that is not an arthritic, more muscular.
There is something different that is going on. I used to hate taking baths, now love taking baths.
Hated taking baths for how long? I always showered, I told you about not liking to swim in rivers or lakes, or hot tubs, my body being immersed in something dirty. Now it doesn’t bother me, even been hankering to go to hot springs. That is pretty powerful, that was a very strong aversion.
Tracking, 5/19/03:
1 I will feel more comfortable in my skin, have had a lot of anxiety lately, not feeling more comfortable, that I will feel myself and okay with myself.
So so. A lot of what is going on in this new town, is presenting myself, and being a bit apprehensive about how I’m received. There is still some anxiety, yet more brazenness about being myself. I’m feeling kind of rebellious. I have a chip on my shoulder, like this is how I am, if you don’t like it, fuck you.
2 Less critical of others.
Definitely, feeling wonderfully appreciative of others. Feeling like everybody is beautiful. Been loving to self. It has been very acute, no criticism.
3 Less stomach problems - emotional changes, therefore less stomach sensations – daily.
Zero.
4 More - even emotions - less anger, depression, more satisfaction, and calm, and joy.
More satisfaction and joy, wouldn’t say calm. Though when home alone, feel pretty darn good.
5 Jealousy - every week at least, and sometimes every day.
Don’t know, not involved with anyone really care about. The men I’m toying with, I could give a fuck. I’m reluctant to invest in someone else, afraid the jealousy could pop up.
6 Anxiety frequency? Chronic low level anxiety every day, constant companion - not necessarily specific - responsibilities, shopping, work, relationship.
It has transformed. There is still like this little freneticness, but pleasant, certainly not calm though.
10 Thirst? If started drinking water.
I’m drinking more water, more thirsty. But drinking ETOH too. I drink water at home now.
11 Fear of insanity.
No, don’t have that. I recognize I’m a different sort of a creature, but know it won’t turn into insanity.
12 Fear of abandonment.
There is a bit of that, in that whoever I meet, there is the fear they will decide they don’t want to be my friend. That is there. It is like I dare people to abandon me, that is old. That is from when I was a kid. Really challenge people, challenge their loyalty.
Given that the patient had a bit of a new emphasis, we divised a new set of benchmarks for the next follow-up.
New Benchmarks:
1. Ever present desire for the attention of men, it is huge, it is uncomfortable.
2. Feeling of being watched.
3. Feeling of fitting in with my new neighborhood – maybe going around to neighbors so much is trying too hard. Now it is deliberating going out to find people – now when home, will go out 3 or 4 times a day, hoping someone will be there to visit.
4. Have minor miliary rash bilaterally on forearms.
Analysis: Patient is doing well, and is interested in working on the above issues.
Prescription: 1. Next appt, Monday August 11, 2003 @ 1:00 pm.
2. Datura arborea LM1 (Helios) in one oz dropper QD until aggravation.
Follow-Up
Monday, 8/11/03 ( Thirteen months after original dose)
S: I quit smoking and my stomach doesn’t hurt. I’d had some rashes on my arms, which are better. I’ve been feeling just as happy as I could be. I’m in a state of being excited a lot. I have a new "Joie de vivre". I’m psyched about my work, stay late, and go home and work on my work. Before, I was thinking about being accepted at work, and being liked. Recently I had a big Ah ha! I thought: “Why not hang out with people who you are accepted by, and quit hanging out with people who aren’t openly warm and accepting.” It has made life so much easier. Feeling a lot more comfortable in my skin.
Since I quit smoking though… I have this compulsive behavior sometimes. If drinking wine, used to drink 1 or 2 glasses, and now drink 3 or 4, but then stop. I don’t drink very often, but when do, I drink more.
I’ve been SO horny lately, have to really hold myself back from thinking about it a lot. I haven’t had sex for awhile, and want some bad, so partly biological. My thinking about relationships has been a lot healthier. I see a man and I have a broader perspective. I see the whole picture, I don’t even go there, because realize it wouldn’t be a good choice. I’m using a lot more discrimination and judgement about relationships that are destined to fail, because I’m just lonely. And I do feel lonely as a consequence.
I have a lot of love in my life, so don’t feel lonely most of the time. I’ve had a little trouble sleeping in the last month or so, not sure what that is about. The thing about feeling watched. It is not to the degree that it used to be, not thinking about it. Quit smoking? A month ago.
New Benchmarks:
1. Ever present desire for the attention of men, it is huge, it is uncomfortable.
It is still there, but not huge. I’m real conscious of it, and able to note it and move through it.
2. Feeling of being watched
Diminished
3. Feeling of fitting in with my new neighborhood – maybe going around to neighbors so much is trying too hard. Now it is deliberating going out to find people – now when home, will go out 3 or 4 times a day, hoping someone will be there to visit.
Totally in the groove in my neighborhood. I have made friends, doesn't feel compulsive. Now feels comfortable.
4. Have minor milliary rash bilaterally on forearms
Reduced a lot
Dreams?
I dream about water a lot. Being on a river, and brother’s house. I dreamt of two of my step brothers. They weren’t dead, but they were completely submerged in water and sinking, just like a little image, that was fragmented. Like doing the human cannonball and fall into the water making a big splash. Both of these brothers are conservative, it was just an image of them sinking down. It wasn’t like afraid they were dying, no emotion.
Speaking of water, still not thirsty. When have opportunity of going to hot tub, or being with others. I get freaked out at the thought of being in dirty water, because they pee in it and stuff.
I had a really cool dream about being at brother’s house and the roles of my siblings. All their house boats being connected, and the dynamics of the family, all very positive. I’ve had some good sex dreams too.
I did have some anxiety regarding my landlord. He really turns me on. I was thinking about him a lot. Hoping he’d come by, and wishing he’d like me. And giving up too much power. It is so common for me to be interested in a man who doesn’t give me the time a day. I wanted his attention. Then the last week or so, I decided that I’d rather focus on what I have, rather then what I don’t’ have. I had a relief of anxiety about wanting him. I’ve really been thinking about how I can have sex without having relationship. But with my whole consciousness about consequences makes it near impossible. Smoking before? Was smoking every day. Now it is okay.
You mentioned hot flashes and early Menopause when you started treatment? Yes, my grandmother also had really early menopause.
Are you having hot flashes anymore? No, but I am going through early menopause.
How can you tell? I can tell because I’m much more emotional.
Emotional? Weeping more easily. When I first came to see you it was just crazy emotions, out of control, BIG emotions. Now, when weeping, it is weeping because I’m moved. I’m moved by how beautiful trees are, or nature. That is what I’m emotional about now. Like my heart is opened, and nature is so beautiful. It is weeping with joy.
Analysis: Patient has responded well to last LM potency scale. There is evidence to suggest that the Remedy overall, has stimulated deep changes. In particular, she is beginning to feel like she belongs. She is not only feeling more connected to people, but her connection to nature seems to be deepening. So perhaps now she doesn’t have to act out quite so outlandishly, perhaps provoking rejection – a self fulfilling prophesy. In addition, her epiphany that she should simply stop seeking acceptance from those that don’t have it to give, appears to given her a measure of new freedom.
Prescription:
1. Appointments PRN
2. Continue to use Rx for acutes that arise
3. Call with any questions or needs
Follow-Up
Monday, February 23, 2004
Case Note: Patient mentioned a dream where she was playing a game in the ocean with her mother. It was a game where we would bounce up and down under the ocean. We’d jump from the sea floor up to the surface and back down again. There were times were I’d jump to a place and there was no bottom, it was like the unknown. But when I got there, I found that there was a beautiful light there. When I woke up, I knew that light was god, even in the unknown places, god was there.
Epilogue:
I’ve seen this patient for minor issues since then, the Remedy Dat-a has always worked. I saw her again in September of 2006. At that visit, she cited a variety of minor issues. I had her take a few doses of 6c in water, and she cancelled the next follow-up saying that everything resolved.
Date RX: Potency Pharmacy SIG RXN
6/17/02 Dat-a 200 Helios Single dose with an extra to hold onto Good
7/26/02 Dat-a 200c Helios PRN for pain (upcoming biopsy), use before 1M if possible Good
7/26/02 Dat-a 1M Helios Pre and post op (breast biopsy) if 200 insufficient Good
5/19/03 Dat-a LM1 Helios QD until aggravation, after 3 weeks no RXN, go to BID Good
6/2/03 Dat-a LM1 Helios Stopped because of herpes reaction, and eyes and mouth were dry, and return of some other old symptoms. Good
Tim Shannon ND - Portland, Or.
drt@drtshannon.com
6/3/02
Case Background:
Patient (woman, 41y.) dresses colorfully and attractively. Her delivery is very animated and often dramatic. She is loquacious and talks with very little need for prompting. She speaks freely without reservation, even shamelessly at times. She also spontaneously flows from one topic to the next without transition, like a very uninhibited free association. In addition, there were several instances where the patient described graphic sexual encounters freely. The patient was previously treated with Hyos for several years with good success.
S: I'm never thirsty, and I don’t drink water. I don't like the taste of water, and if I drink it I get low blood sugar. I get light headed and irritable, cold sweats and a little trembly.
How can I help? I'm here for mostly mental stuff. I feel that I'm starting to go through the change of life, and I'm only in my 40’s. It started as insomnia, always waking @ 3:00 am. Then hot flashes. It feels like my neck gets hot. My face feels like I'm in an oven. I'm having one right now, it gets flushed, and it feels burning, like ant bites. I also have rosacea, which has gotten worse since menopause.
The slightest provocation, the littlest upset from Stanley (boyfriend), if he pisses me off, I feel like this rage rising from my liver. I'd feel it rise like mercury rising with a thermometer. Then my flushing is so red from the anger. The anger is so intense. I want to throw things and scream, I have images of scratching his face, and seeing him bleed. Usually the images are around clawing his face. I can find the slightest flaw, or if he does something that seems thoughtless, or dinner isn’t ready on time (giggling). There is a voice inside my head that knows it is no big deal. My whole body and the part that is controlling me is getting pissed off and being bitchy, and saying something. I say it out loud, I rip him a new one, about the littlest things.
Jealousy is automatic, without even thinking about it. I inspect him physically for signs of another woman. I'm observing him for perfume, a cigarette, lipstick, or proof that he is screwing around. It is almost unconscious. If he shares with me that Mary (a co-worker) and he were talking about something - I get SO jealous, I feel betrayed that he is sharing himself. Men who screw around lie about it. If he’s saying he isn’t screwing around, how does it differ from him screwing around and lying about it, that is in there, the constant doubt.
I feel paranoid. I think he is using me for my house. He is such a handsome man, used to women taking care of him. Women who will cook and clean and give sexual favors. I assign really horrible intentions to him. All of these things happen, and then it is gone! Then I'm a normal sane woman, then I'm loving and caring and wise.
I've always prided myself about having good intuition about people. Ever since childhood, had dreams that were psychic. When in an intimate relationship, it gets so distorted, it gets completely skewed. My fear taints it.
If I see Stanley do something, I can't separate my own fear and jealousy when interpreting his actions. I interpret in the worst imaginable way. When I come home from work, I want undivided attention and get pissed off if he is doing something else. One part of me knows that it is ridiculous, but there is a part of me that feels rejected. I’m often feeling unimportant - he doesn't love me; doesn't care.
I’ve felt disrespected by my brother and sister recently. I felt abandoned, not considered. I got my feelings hurt, and they say ‘ you're such a victim’ I don't feel like I fit in, like at work. It was like entering this family and not being a part of it. I always feel like I don't belong. I just feel like I'm different from people, my way of communicating, I talk loud, the way I dress, or say off the wall things sometimes.
My pace is at speed two in a society that is operating at a ten. Conversations I can't keep up with, especially since menopause, my brain is moving more slowly. When someone speaks, their words have to move through thick jelly before I respond. Then by the time it sifts through, they are on to the next subject, I get left behind.
One of the things I hear myself saying often is, ‘my purpose in having a conversation is to find out about the person I'm talking to’. I'm often disappointed that people don't ask me about myself, it hurts my feelings, feel invisible, not seen, people don't care. Been saying that a lot lately, feel I'm invisible.
The times when I feel the happiest, or most alive, is when there is a reciprocation of deep conversation. I feel like I belong, that is when I feel connected. Because so much of my unhappiness is about feeling alone, and unconnected.
I really like sex, genital, oral and that is it. I've observed at times that the thought of him fucking another woman totally turns me on; the same thing that can bother me so much totally turns me on. Sometimes I feel attracted to women, not a visual of their genitalia, it is just the softness of a women's body would feel nice to rub up against.. (goes into some graphic detail here)
I cry really easily, always have. When I cry in anger, it is because it is so intense. My biological father is schizophrenic, any time I've felt unbalanced emotionally I fear that I'm going to become schizophrenic. With my paranoid jealousy comes a fear of insanity. I've had it forever, it is a big one. (patient goes into graphic detail about sexuality in her extended family)
I have a really strong spiritual life. It is not about being Catholic, or rules. I know there is a God, one that unites all of us. I have personal experience with the Virgin Mary, dreams where she came to me, she told me not to eat chocolate when I was pregnant. Times when I've prayed to her and feel her in the room with me. I've had a couple of experiences where someone died, and within a few days, I felt their presence. I have a lot of skin stuff, legs lately been getting tiny red spots. Started on left. Things tend to start on left, and stay on left, or go from left to right. I have herpes, and if I ever get outbreak, will get on left labia. I have arthritis.
With relationship things can be really good, or bad, up and down. When I have sex, and I don't want to, even a tiny part of me, my hips hurt, my left leg joint starts to hurt. I had asthma as a child.
I will sit with my face in my hands a lot. I touch my face a lot, is comforting to me. I have a VERY acute sense of smell. I could smell the bananas in the other room, in the fridge. Even now I can tell your last patient’s perfume. Or if someone had a BM and didn't wipe well. When having sex, his smell can turn me on, it evokes emotion. Can sometimes not like someone's smell, and that is animal, there is a lot of me that is an untamed beast, uncivilized.
Then the part that is ultra-civilized, criticizes the wild part of me. I have a brown spot on my lower lip. (O: Looks reddish, small blemish on center of lower lip.) My face twitches sometimes when I'm nervous. The nasal wings twitch, and left eyelid, the top, and sometimes my chin.
I've been having stomach aches, with anxiety. Burning pain, like gastritis or something. When jealousy is most intense, I get diarrhea. I feel that my intestines spasm, they squeeze. Sometimes feel that my rectum clamps down hard.
I get all tenderhearted and mushy with the girls I baby-sit and with Stanley too. Just looking at him, my heart just opens, and I'm so moved with love. Feel that way with mom and dad too. I can feel so much love for people, family and friends. I love the trees and flowers, can get so emotional. Can feel so much gratitude for creation. Trees talk to me, they teach me a lot. And animals too, like to watch nature too, learn what I can from watching nature.
I dream of flying - recurring often with birds, eagles, hummingbirds. Some of my scary or anxiety dreams are being on a boat that is sinking or about friends and family in a sinking boat. The feeling of the dream, not real fearful, I'm apathetic about it.
I had a recurring nightmare, from infancy to age 30, hit me again the other night. It was this horrible man looming, demon, looming over my face, usually he is surrounded in this fog. I wake up screaming. Recently Stanley was the demon.
The recurring dream? It was my dad, when I was a little kid, he terrorized us, he stalked us after their divorce. So it came into my dreams, he threatened to kill us, often.
More about the dream? I'm in bed, and there is this ghost, kind of. It is a mist-enshrouded face that is looming down, hanging down over my face. It is going to get me, going to eat me or do something bad to me.
Any variation to the dream? The color of the mist was usually red, but sometimes black, or sometimes it was a spider that was going to get me.
Say something about animals? I love birds, big birds, and I dream of birds, I fly with the birds, dream of blue herons and eagles. I've dreamed about and feel warmth towards sea mammals, dolphins and whales. When I see spiders I recognize that they could be poisonous, but I don't get all paranoid, not particularly scared.
Any physical sensations? I feel a lot in my stomach, it is the seat of my emotions. Anger is here (points to right hypochondria) , while sadness, is solar plexus. Anger feels sometimes as if it is coming up from the liver area, when really jealous, my intestines squeeze. My gut is where most of my emotions happen.
Sensations in liver? That is the source of the heat that rises. Sadness feels cold, when I get upset, angry/sad, I get cold, shivery cold.
Run hot or cold? I tend to be cold, tend to wear sweaters when others are wearing shorts.
Any overly acute senses? Sound and smell.
Sound? Noises can really irk me, at home, usually have it quiet, because even the tone of music, can feel uncomfortable with it. Doesn't hurt my ears, just feel anxious. Also, if asleep, and a noise wakes me up, it irritates the shit out of me, hate to be awakened by a noise.
When alone at night, does your imagination act up? Yes, I'm afraid that someone might rape me or be violent. I don't walk alone at night, and don't walk in the forest by self. It is the old -someone is going to get me- feeling.
Fears? I'm kind of afraid of dogs, not a phobia because I love dogs. But when I see a dog on the street, always afraid it might bite me, I was bitten by a dog on the face once. I don't like to get into water that is murky, swimming in a river or a lake, or the ocean. I don't like to swim in water with other organisms, or people, in public.
As a child? I always use to think that someone was spying on me, like peeking in the window. Sometimes still have this discomfort that somebody might be watching me. I was a pretty courageous child, and still am pretty courageous. I had a fear of abandonment, and still do. In my relationship, I'm so sure even if I pick the biggest loser, I'm sure that they will leave me. I hate the thought of people talking about me, talking behind my back, I call that betrayal. I have gout. When drink too much red wine, I get joint pain in left big toe.
My Homeopathic Process:
During the interview, I considered that this could be a night shade of some sort. I saw the following Nightshade Family themes:
• Dreams - Demons & Faces, Possessed
• Shameless - Sexual
• Forsaken/Jealousy
• Out of Control, Wild Animal
• Averse Water
• Fear of Dogs (Wild animals)
I also knew that the patient had received wonderful help from Hyoscyamus for three or four years, which now was no longer acting. So while the intake was occurring, I was listening for symptoms that would help me to differentiate which nightshade it might be.
I remember being particularly struck by her distinct sensation of heat from the liver. It has been rare for me to hear anyone say such a clear sensation involving the liver. I looked it up using Mac repertory during the interview. Here’s what I saw:
Abdomen; HEAT; liver (6) : aloe, cench.KentC, dat-a.Brk, kali-c., podo.HalH, sabad.
I became excited when I saw a Datura in the small rubric. Of course, I didn’t know the Remedy, so I did an extraction of Datura Arborea and found the following rubrics:
1. • Delusions, imaginations: body, body parts: feet: touching scarcely the ground.
• Delusions, imaginations: floating in air.
• Delusions, imaginations: light, incorporeal, immaterial, he is.
• Vertigo; FLOATING, as if
• Generalities; LIGHTNESS, sensation of
2. • Concentration: difficult.
• Confusion of mind. Mind; THOUGHTS; collect, cannot
• DELUSIONS, IMAGINATIONS: IDEAS FLOATING OUTSIDE OF BRAIN.
• Mind; THOUGHTS; wandering
3. • Mind; INSANITY, madness
4. • Stomach; HEARTBURN
• Abdomen; HEAT; liver
5. • Comfort, sensation of.
• Delusions, imaginations: beautiful, wonderful
• Desires: beautiful things, finery.
• DELUSIONS, IMAGINATIONS: BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL: ATMOSPHERE, IN.
• Mind; QUIETUDE, stillness, sensation of, when she sits still
• Dream, as if in a.
6. • Stomach; CONTRACTION; general
• Stomach; CONTRACTION; general; cardiac orifice
• Stomach; PAIN; cramping, griping, constricting
7. • Clairvoyance.
Given that I thought the patient could need Dat-a, I wanted to find out if she experienced her thinking process similar to some of the symptoms listed above in box 2, so I prompted:
(Trying to confirm Remedy) Can you say more about how you experience your thoughts, your thinking? Last night I was at a gathering and one woman was talking. It was as if she was speaking a foreign language, I could not understand what she was trying to say. It was as if each sentence was separate and unrelated to the next sentence. Her words and thoughts seemed fragmented. Or at least that is how I received them, as disconnected bits and pieces. I felt like I was from another planet or something, like I had no frame of reference to hear what she was saying. She was talking about a subject about which I know nothing and about which I have no opinion. I wished she would shut up. I thought she was wasting time talking about something unimportant.
I thought her accounting above very closely approximated the symptoms in box 2, particularly the rubrics:
• Confusion of mind. Mind; THOUGHTS; collect, cannot
• DELUSIONS, IMAGINATIONS: IDEAS FLOATING OUTSIDE OF BRAIN.
So, next I wanted to see if she experienced her body similar to the symptoms noted in box 6 above and asked:
(Trying to confirm Remedy) Say more about how you experience your body? I sometimes feel like I am not in my body. When I am ruminating in my thoughts, which can happen pretty often, it is as if I am in another place and time, away from my body and the present, lost in my thoughts and fears. When I am depressed, my body feels heavy and slow, but not real heavy. As if the animation is missing and I just want to lay down and sleep. Which I do, sleep. It helps me to feel better.
I felt like she confirmed this state of floating, or the out of body sensation noted for Datura Arborea. So I was satisfied at this point that this could be a good prescription for her.
Next, I went on to “tracking”. This is a process I go through with most of my patients. I came up with it several years ago. It is a simple tool to help me make more precise assessments at follow-ups. Previously I’d been frustrated that a patient would come in, seemingly doing very well. Then several follow-ups later the Remedy would fail and I’d be confused. When I looked back, I realized I’d been influenced by my own excitement that the patient was on the right Remedy. I’d neglected to be thorough enough to note every symptom. I’d unconsciously biased myself into thinking the Remedy was accurate, when in fact it was a clear similar which was not addressing the totality of symptoms.
So I thought if I simply was thorough and took a few minutes to note every symptom that should change on a good prescription, it would be a more precise tool for future assessments.
I usually start tracking by asking the patient something like “If this medicine were to help you, how would you know?” “In other words, how would you know that you were getting better?” Then I’d coach the patient away from vague markers, and help him/her to define the current frequency of symptoms and intensity. Then I use the itemized list at each follow-up to keep a grounded record of symptoms. This has matured into a very useful tool. Below is the list that this patient authored with a bit of my guidance:
Tracking, 6/3/02:
1 I will feel more comfortable in my skin, have had a lot of anxiety lately, not feeling more comfortable, that I will feel myself and okay with myself.
2 Less critical of others.
3 Less stomach problems - emotional changes, therefore less stomach sensations – daily.
4 More - even emotions - less anger, depression, more satisfaction, and calm, and joy.
5 Jealousy - every week at least, and sometimes every day.
6 Seeing Stanley for what he is, and not assigning him bad intentions.
7 People are judging me - that whole paranoia thing.
8 Anxiety frequency? Chronic low level anxiety every day, constant companion - not necessarily specific - responsibilities, shopping, work, relationship.
9 Thirst? If started drinking water.
10 Fear of insanity.
11 Fear of abandonment.
6/17/02 - Case Note: Patient's Remedy arrived from Helios today.
Prescription 1. Datura arborea 200c, single dose dry.
7/26/02 – (First Follow-up - Approximately one month after dose.)
S: Diagnozed with lump in breast June 5th.
Your impression of this Remedy? I think it is helping, my head feels a lot clearer, the whole jelly thing is gone, I feel sharp. Feel my thoughts are clear. My comprehension is clear. I'm also feeling newly enthusiastic, don't know what to attribute it to, the sunny weather has been great. Despite the fear of breast cancer stuff, and relationship stuff, I'm feeling pretty enthusiastic. And I don't have any stomach symptoms or sensations. The ruminating about jealousy, where I’d think about what he is doing, thinking about it, that is gone. Still jealous somewhat though.
We were at a party and I sensed an attraction between him and another woman, and asked him about it. I didn't obsess about it. It was there, I sensed it and I let it go. In the past, before it might have been a weekend of jealousy-hell. I'm not going there anymore.
Oh, an old symptom of mine seemed to come back. My last period, I experienced menstrual cramps, haven’t had them for a long time. That day I'd smoked pot, and was lying on the couch. I was being present with my cramps, they were really intense, and lasted for a couple of hours. When I was a teenager, had really bad cramps.
Impression? It is helping, definitely, definitely.
Anything not better? I'm still as critical as ever, but perhaps with more insight now. I've been pretty dang irritable too.
I've not had any hot flashes, but been taking vitamin E and C continuously. I haven't felt the huge surges of rage that I was having. I told you that I was wanting to stab him or something. Now it is more like little flares of anger, instead of a volcano. Which feels more comfortable.
Notice anything after the dose? No, it was really subtle. I felt like the major shifts happened when I got the plant. (Note: I recommended that the patient obtain the plant for her home, which she did.)
Dreams? I have a really intense and varied dream life. It has continued to be rich. I haven't noticed any change. Last night dreamed about a scary man who will get me, not the old one, of the face. But this was a man who had bad intentions towards me. I've had a couple of psychic dreams since I've had this Remedy, but that is consistent.
Tracking, 7/26/02:
1 I will feel more comfortable in my skin, have had a lot of anxiety lately, not feeling more comfortable, that I will feel myself and okay with myself.
I feel that is good, an improvement.
2 Less critical of others.
Unchanged.
3 Less stomach problems - emotional changes, therefore less stomach sensations – daily.
That is gone, don't have any now.
4 More - even emotions - less anger, depression, more satisfaction, and calm, and joy.
Yes, that is better too. Still have all the emotions, but basic state is feeling pretty good.
5 Jealousy - every week at least, and sometimes every day.
Way better.
6 Seeing Stanley for what he is, and not assigning him bad intentions.
I've gotten better there, don't assign him intentions.
7 People are judging me - that whole paranoia thing
I would say it is better, but still a little of it. I also just don't care. For instance, brother had a party, I was the bad guy, and I didn’t care. That is a definite change. It was a huge drama, but so chill, didn't get sucked into the drama at all, quite pleased with myself.
8 Anxiety frequency? Chronic low level anxiety every day, constant companion - not necessarily specific - responsibilities, shopping, work, relationship.
So much better, I'm not anxious generally. Feeling pretty happy.
9 Thirst? If started drinking water.
Unchanged.
10 Fear of insanity.
It hasn't entered my mind. It was there with the jealousy and paranoia, that felt insane.
11 Fear of abandonment.
The other day, he was really critical of me, I was so mad. Then I thought the next day, that he'd maybe want to be with someone else. It was a thought of abandonment, and yet it felt so good, what a relief. It has really changed, I definitely had that fear of abandonment. The feeling isn't fear, now it is if he leaves that will be good.
Analysis: Patient is responding wonderfully, follow-up to be in 4 months. Patient was also given 1M and is preparing a 200c from the spare Remedy packet given previously, in case of need, for upcoming breast biopsy this Monday.
Prescription: 1. Use Datura arborea 200c PRN (if needed) pre or post op.
2. If needed, use Dat-a 1M (Helios) PRN if 200c is not sufficient.
Follow-Up
Friday, 12/6/02 (Five months after original dose.)
S: I used the Remedy acutely a few times. I had the breast surgery, day of surgery, used it to calm my nerves. I used it before and didn’t have any pain, healed without infection. However, it healed in a keloid-way, it was raised and red and thick. Never had keloid scarring before. I’ve also used it during a flu, and it nicked it in the bud.
I then had a black eye, from a fight with my former boyfriend. (Note: She broke up with Stanley.) It was a bad time. That is the news of acute use.
My stomach has been fine. I don’t have anxiety, there is no anxiety. I’ve had a full spectrum of emotions around this break-up, but has been appropriate around it. (Note: She is weeping.) As far as the paranoid thinking, I still wonder if people like me, like people at work. People at work, why don’t they call me, still feel like I don’t fit in at work. But at church feel well supported, and actually at work too – people to help me move out. I hear of gatherings that happen and I’m not invited. I’m sleeping fine. Hot flashes have been minimal, mostly if eat spicy foods, or drink ETOH, especially red wine.
I’m finally free of this thing that has been dragging me around all my life, poor choices related to sex. Don’t feel motivated by sex anymore. I’m actually feeling kind of averse to it, to the thought of it. I think as a response to such a dramatic break-up with Stanley. Feeling pretty averse to the thought of relationship or men. Have had some good realizations about trust issues. Because I grew up with that issue in the first years of my life. My first experience of men, my father was terrorizing to us, and my grandfather sexually abused me. I learned that men will use you and abuse you. I’ve been operating under that experience. Like ducks who are raised in horizontal lines, can’t see in vertical. So what is imprinted is our perception of reality. I feel kind of hopeful, that I can recognize that is how I’ve been operating, and ask for grace to see lines of all directions.
Tracking, 12/6/02:
1 I will feel more comfortable in my skin, have had a lot of anxiety lately, not feeling more comfortable, that I will feel myself and okay with myself.
This is good.
2 Less critical of others.
I’m feeling a lot more compassionate. Especially since I’ve been involved in domestic violence (Fight with Stanley) . Since I’ve behaved in a way that is imperfect. Even before that was feeling more accepting. Didn’t find myself thinking how awful Stanley was, but had already decided to break up with him. Overall less critical.
3 Less stomach problems - emotional changes, therefore less stomach sensations – daily.
That is gone, I’d had this rising heat from my liver, but no more.
4 More – even emotions - less anger, depression, more satisfaction, and calm, and joy.
I can’t say emotions are even, I’ve had some real sadness about the break-up, and some intense anger. The emotions I experience are quite rich, but short-lived, and don’t take away my capacity for joy. Can still feel grateful for friends and people at work. My emotional life is rich and balanced, it feels healthy for me. I’m not stuck or getting obsessed. I’m feeling pretty good emotionally.
5 Jealousy - every week at least, and sometimes every day.
I feel like this was helped, it ceased to be an irrational emotional fear that I was obsessed with. Became more of a response, more rational, I had more clarity about what I was feeling.
6 People are judging me, that whole paranoia thing.
I think it has diminished some, still feel left out. Like I don’t fit in, and like I’m being judged. Although when I went to work with a black eye, my main emotion was that people were going to see me and think I was one of “those women.” A major fear of being judged. That is still pretty strong.
7 Anxiety frequency? Chronic low level anxiety every day, constant companion - not necessarily specific - responsibilities, shopping, work, relationship.
Wouldn’t say it is chronic anxiety anymore. Don’t’ have that anymore.
10 Thirst? If started drinking water.
I still don’t drink much water. More? I don’t like the taste of it. I drink tea all day, just not water.
11 Fear of insanity.
It has not been on my mind. My emotions are still intense, but accept them about myself. I haven’t been having the emotions I judge as pathological.
12 Fear of abandonment.
That was always present with Stanley or when in relationship. But now I’m not in a relationship, I don’t have it anyway.
Analysis: Patient feels she is doing well. Doesn’t need any Remedy for the time being. Also we are leaving it open as to the need for appointments, i.e. appointments PRN.
Prescription: 1. Appointment – leave open as needed.
Follow-Up
Monday, 5/19/03 (Ten months after original dose.)
S: How are you? I think some of my old symptoms are relapsing. I’ve moved and now live in a small town. I’ve gotten to know all the people living immediately around me. I wake up in the morning and am eager to go out and go visiting. A good number of these neighbors are of the male species. Whether they are interested in me or not, I want them to like me. I found myself totally boy crazy. It is not sexually, not romantically, just wanting their attention. When I go down stairs, I want them to look at me and think I’m pretty.
There is an undercurrent of anxiety with that, a sort of freneticness with that. Another thing I’m doing that is somewhat connected to that is that I’m hanging out with some dangerous men. One is an ex-Hell's Angels guy. He is an alcoholic, he is rude, crude and socially unacceptable. I love hanging out with him, having a drink, and smoking. There is some risk to my reputation for associating with him. Sometimes I think it would be fun to just fuck him, but know that there are consequences for this.
Then there is this other guy, a Native American. His past is bad, he is charming, and I’m going out with him. I’m not opening my heart to him, or my arms or my legs. I’m keeping him at a distance, I’m toying with him. This is old behavior. There were times in my youth, as a teenager, where I toyed with men and teased them. Just to feel desirable. In retrospect, I see that I wanted love. I don’t want these guys to love me, but I do want their admiration. With both of them, I’m kind of vulgar. I like to shock these guys.
I’m also hyper-aware of being watched, people's opinions of me. Sometimes at home, even when home doing the dishes, I’m thinking someone could be watching me. Which is an old experience.
When I was 8, and sister was 12, she was just sprouting breasts. One of the neighbor boys was at the window, watching. That may have been the delusion, that somebody is watching me. Which makes it difficult to relax, because often feel like I’m on, on display. Being scrutinized, being measured up or judged. That is a long term, chronic experience for me. I’ve been drinking more, and smoking cigarettes. I’m kind of in a wild stage right now, but not fucking anyone right now. I’m teasing and flirting. In the past the issue of wanting to fit in at work, and with those groups.
With all of this, generally I’m feeling really good. I’m generally blissed or ecstatic, sometimes a freneticness about it, but also excited about my new life. On physical stuff, have some muscle tension on my left side. My face is more pimply, just a bit. When drinking wine, the next day my legs hurt, my knees hurt.
O: Patient is very excitable, cheerful, silly, elated in presentation.
Dreams? I’ve dreamed about big birds. Whooping cranes. In the past about great blue herons and storks. This time it was whooping cranes. Bringing me messages from the universal source.
I’m doing really great at work, working really hard. Doing really well in general, except this boy craziness thing, which is not bad, kind of fun.
Acne rosacea? It hasn’t changed during TX. (O: She has it only on the right cheek.) The day after drinking, it gets red bilaterally, my whole face gets flushed.
Arthritis? When I eat red meat, or drink ETOH, I get pain in my left hip, usually 24 to 48 hours later. It goes away within 48 hours.
Only hip? My knees and my legs ache after drinking, but that is not an arthritic, more muscular.
There is something different that is going on. I used to hate taking baths, now love taking baths.
Hated taking baths for how long? I always showered, I told you about not liking to swim in rivers or lakes, or hot tubs, my body being immersed in something dirty. Now it doesn’t bother me, even been hankering to go to hot springs. That is pretty powerful, that was a very strong aversion.
Tracking, 5/19/03:
1 I will feel more comfortable in my skin, have had a lot of anxiety lately, not feeling more comfortable, that I will feel myself and okay with myself.
So so. A lot of what is going on in this new town, is presenting myself, and being a bit apprehensive about how I’m received. There is still some anxiety, yet more brazenness about being myself. I’m feeling kind of rebellious. I have a chip on my shoulder, like this is how I am, if you don’t like it, fuck you.
2 Less critical of others.
Definitely, feeling wonderfully appreciative of others. Feeling like everybody is beautiful. Been loving to self. It has been very acute, no criticism.
3 Less stomach problems - emotional changes, therefore less stomach sensations – daily.
Zero.
4 More - even emotions - less anger, depression, more satisfaction, and calm, and joy.
More satisfaction and joy, wouldn’t say calm. Though when home alone, feel pretty darn good.
5 Jealousy - every week at least, and sometimes every day.
Don’t know, not involved with anyone really care about. The men I’m toying with, I could give a fuck. I’m reluctant to invest in someone else, afraid the jealousy could pop up.
6 Anxiety frequency? Chronic low level anxiety every day, constant companion - not necessarily specific - responsibilities, shopping, work, relationship.
It has transformed. There is still like this little freneticness, but pleasant, certainly not calm though.
10 Thirst? If started drinking water.
I’m drinking more water, more thirsty. But drinking ETOH too. I drink water at home now.
11 Fear of insanity.
No, don’t have that. I recognize I’m a different sort of a creature, but know it won’t turn into insanity.
12 Fear of abandonment.
There is a bit of that, in that whoever I meet, there is the fear they will decide they don’t want to be my friend. That is there. It is like I dare people to abandon me, that is old. That is from when I was a kid. Really challenge people, challenge their loyalty.
Given that the patient had a bit of a new emphasis, we divised a new set of benchmarks for the next follow-up.
New Benchmarks:
1. Ever present desire for the attention of men, it is huge, it is uncomfortable.
2. Feeling of being watched.
3. Feeling of fitting in with my new neighborhood – maybe going around to neighbors so much is trying too hard. Now it is deliberating going out to find people – now when home, will go out 3 or 4 times a day, hoping someone will be there to visit.
4. Have minor miliary rash bilaterally on forearms.
Analysis: Patient is doing well, and is interested in working on the above issues.
Prescription: 1. Next appt, Monday August 11, 2003 @ 1:00 pm.
2. Datura arborea LM1 (Helios) in one oz dropper QD until aggravation.
Follow-Up
Monday, 8/11/03 ( Thirteen months after original dose)
S: I quit smoking and my stomach doesn’t hurt. I’d had some rashes on my arms, which are better. I’ve been feeling just as happy as I could be. I’m in a state of being excited a lot. I have a new "Joie de vivre". I’m psyched about my work, stay late, and go home and work on my work. Before, I was thinking about being accepted at work, and being liked. Recently I had a big Ah ha! I thought: “Why not hang out with people who you are accepted by, and quit hanging out with people who aren’t openly warm and accepting.” It has made life so much easier. Feeling a lot more comfortable in my skin.
Since I quit smoking though… I have this compulsive behavior sometimes. If drinking wine, used to drink 1 or 2 glasses, and now drink 3 or 4, but then stop. I don’t drink very often, but when do, I drink more.
I’ve been SO horny lately, have to really hold myself back from thinking about it a lot. I haven’t had sex for awhile, and want some bad, so partly biological. My thinking about relationships has been a lot healthier. I see a man and I have a broader perspective. I see the whole picture, I don’t even go there, because realize it wouldn’t be a good choice. I’m using a lot more discrimination and judgement about relationships that are destined to fail, because I’m just lonely. And I do feel lonely as a consequence.
I have a lot of love in my life, so don’t feel lonely most of the time. I’ve had a little trouble sleeping in the last month or so, not sure what that is about. The thing about feeling watched. It is not to the degree that it used to be, not thinking about it. Quit smoking? A month ago.
New Benchmarks:
1. Ever present desire for the attention of men, it is huge, it is uncomfortable.
It is still there, but not huge. I’m real conscious of it, and able to note it and move through it.
2. Feeling of being watched
Diminished
3. Feeling of fitting in with my new neighborhood – maybe going around to neighbors so much is trying too hard. Now it is deliberating going out to find people – now when home, will go out 3 or 4 times a day, hoping someone will be there to visit.
Totally in the groove in my neighborhood. I have made friends, doesn't feel compulsive. Now feels comfortable.
4. Have minor milliary rash bilaterally on forearms
Reduced a lot
Dreams?
I dream about water a lot. Being on a river, and brother’s house. I dreamt of two of my step brothers. They weren’t dead, but they were completely submerged in water and sinking, just like a little image, that was fragmented. Like doing the human cannonball and fall into the water making a big splash. Both of these brothers are conservative, it was just an image of them sinking down. It wasn’t like afraid they were dying, no emotion.
Speaking of water, still not thirsty. When have opportunity of going to hot tub, or being with others. I get freaked out at the thought of being in dirty water, because they pee in it and stuff.
I had a really cool dream about being at brother’s house and the roles of my siblings. All their house boats being connected, and the dynamics of the family, all very positive. I’ve had some good sex dreams too.
I did have some anxiety regarding my landlord. He really turns me on. I was thinking about him a lot. Hoping he’d come by, and wishing he’d like me. And giving up too much power. It is so common for me to be interested in a man who doesn’t give me the time a day. I wanted his attention. Then the last week or so, I decided that I’d rather focus on what I have, rather then what I don’t’ have. I had a relief of anxiety about wanting him. I’ve really been thinking about how I can have sex without having relationship. But with my whole consciousness about consequences makes it near impossible. Smoking before? Was smoking every day. Now it is okay.
You mentioned hot flashes and early Menopause when you started treatment? Yes, my grandmother also had really early menopause.
Are you having hot flashes anymore? No, but I am going through early menopause.
How can you tell? I can tell because I’m much more emotional.
Emotional? Weeping more easily. When I first came to see you it was just crazy emotions, out of control, BIG emotions. Now, when weeping, it is weeping because I’m moved. I’m moved by how beautiful trees are, or nature. That is what I’m emotional about now. Like my heart is opened, and nature is so beautiful. It is weeping with joy.
Analysis: Patient has responded well to last LM potency scale. There is evidence to suggest that the Remedy overall, has stimulated deep changes. In particular, she is beginning to feel like she belongs. She is not only feeling more connected to people, but her connection to nature seems to be deepening. So perhaps now she doesn’t have to act out quite so outlandishly, perhaps provoking rejection – a self fulfilling prophesy. In addition, her epiphany that she should simply stop seeking acceptance from those that don’t have it to give, appears to given her a measure of new freedom.
Prescription:
1. Appointments PRN
2. Continue to use Rx for acutes that arise
3. Call with any questions or needs
Follow-Up
Monday, February 23, 2004
Case Note: Patient mentioned a dream where she was playing a game in the ocean with her mother. It was a game where we would bounce up and down under the ocean. We’d jump from the sea floor up to the surface and back down again. There were times were I’d jump to a place and there was no bottom, it was like the unknown. But when I got there, I found that there was a beautiful light there. When I woke up, I knew that light was god, even in the unknown places, god was there.
Epilogue:
I’ve seen this patient for minor issues since then, the Remedy Dat-a has always worked. I saw her again in September of 2006. At that visit, she cited a variety of minor issues. I had her take a few doses of 6c in water, and she cancelled the next follow-up saying that everything resolved.
Date RX: Potency Pharmacy SIG RXN
6/17/02 Dat-a 200 Helios Single dose with an extra to hold onto Good
7/26/02 Dat-a 200c Helios PRN for pain (upcoming biopsy), use before 1M if possible Good
7/26/02 Dat-a 1M Helios Pre and post op (breast biopsy) if 200 insufficient Good
5/19/03 Dat-a LM1 Helios QD until aggravation, after 3 weeks no RXN, go to BID Good
6/2/03 Dat-a LM1 Helios Stopped because of herpes reaction, and eyes and mouth were dry, and return of some other old symptoms. Good
Tim Shannon ND - Portland, Or.
drt@drtshannon.com
Catégories: Remèdes
Mots clés: datura arborea, paranoid jealousy, rages, liver, feeling alone, unconnected, abandoned, tracking, precise assessments, sexual abuse
Remèdes:
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