Hippozaeninum _A Case of

Introduction:
A woman aged 38 came to see me in May ’94, because of her poor health.
For eighteen months she has felt as if her cheek is burning inside, worse if she feels emotional.
Since childhood she has had a runny nose and all kinds of ear and throat infections “and all kind of things have been perforated”. She suffered from headaches and when she was 20 they did a chondrectomie in her nose to widen the air passage. The headache ameliorated slightly, but not the flu, throat pain, or retronasal discharge and coughing. These lasted a few years and she gets rid of yellow pieces of discharge. She has totally lost her voice a few times and she has serious fevers.

Observation:
She is a very expressive and lively woman with a loud voice, wide and wild dark brown hair. She works as a mime player/actress.

Case:
“In February ’92, mum told me by telephone that she was going to die of cancer” (cries). “6 months later (August 12) she died. I took care of her, together with dad. 10 weeks later he died himself. He had a heart attack and aphasia after having finished his last sculpture, he was a sculptor. In the same period my relationship of 9 years standing broke up because I fell in love with somebody else. This didn’t work out after all. I did not have work and so had no money. I took a temporary job at the riding school. It was heavy work and I got ill frequently. For quite some time I had problems sleeping. I dreamt about mum and dad all the time. I was waiting for permission to stay in the house I lived in at the time, which took forever. My work at the stables had to go on, so as not to overburden my colleagues. I was totally overstretched. I performed in the theater with a fever of more than 40° Celsius. I was bedridden for 6 weeks after that and was unable to walk for the first 4 weeks. I had too much mucous and an earache. 8 weeks later I wanted to work again. I got an invitation from the USA and I wrote a new play. I went there with a broken toe after being kicked by a horse. I had to drop the job at the stables because I suffered too much pain all over my body. I only managed with utter perseverance."

"I am happy when I ride, now daily. I bought my own horse and I feel a strong bond with her. In the evening I feel feverish."

"In the USA I was invited to give master classes in several places. That time I got a vaginal abscess and could not walk. The antibiotics exhausted me, then performances in Europe and back home. I had a high fever again with muscle pains in my side, shivers, hallucinations and oversensitivity to touch. During a foot massage by a friend, images came up when she touched me between my shoulder blades. I felt mum and dad inside of me and during a shudder I felt as though my torso was torn open. Then mum went out of me (left my body, like a plume of light blue smoke). I felt sad and empty. Then I saw a black monster, like an enormous dog (Hector?). I got very scared, but forced myself to look at it. My womb cramped and I felt that this monster was the cancer in my mother’s belly. That I would get sick if I did not let her go now. I said goodbye and my parents comforted me at my side. During a session of Haptonomia I shuddered and wanted to cry out, but I could not. I was unable to talk to people and I avoided my friends. I do not like superficial talk. I need intensive communication, just like dad. We felt a deep respect for each other, very honest and vulnerable. I am looking for recognition in art, he did not get the recognition he deserved."

"As a child I went horse riding ‘day and night’. In the USA I felt an affinity with Indians. I read a lot about it, about time, the earth, etc. It was very clear to me and to the point. I feel the truth in the ideas of death and birth and so on...like I feel the connection with my father. During my illness I got images as soon as I closed my eyes. First black and white, Indian masks, animals, woods, Indians turning into gemstones, brightly illuminated and then planets turning around each other changing into computers and then into Indians again. It was beautiful, not scary at all. It took 4 days, till the end. The 5th day, then the crisis came. The shuddering was impossible to stop and I felt panic, then I saw all kinds of insects, beautiful, but frightening. I realized that I had made a trip through time and I started talking to the insects, saying that I did not want to travel further, see more. Then, suddenly I became calm and fell asleep. Then I had a dream about a cave with sleeping Indians, dressed in clothes with special patterns. They turned all at the same time and the pattern changed. There was a holy spot in the cave with a big round stone on the floor and many totems. I found a fetish, which I placed round my neck. At that time I knew I was going to get better. After the fever I had abdominal cramps, which were diagnosed as cystitis and they prescribed antibiotics. After that, my sinus, right side, started to burn.”

"About the job? As a child I danced a lot, never had any training. I was not accepted as a student at the theatre school. I saw some very impressive pieces for Theater and Dance. I never thought of performing solo because of the responsibility. Every time there is this fear that it could be beautiful but … I studied at the Academy for Expression by Word and Gesture.”

"My house? I sensed the war experience of a Jewish family in the house. I asked a friend to do a ritual cleansing. After the cleansing ritual the house felt open and I did not feel so depressed or pressured anymore. I left to work in the US. When I came back there was a letter granting official permission for me to live there."

"I used to be eccentric and my self confidence has always been good. I was alone for quite some time. At school there was a lot of competition and I did not want to seem mediocre, I wanted to be myself. I am the oldest of 4 children and my parents always backed us up. I feel responsible and connected."

"I used to fear being abused and I mistrusted men."

"I like to travel a lot, but it is difficult for me to say goodbye, but once I am gone I do not want to return. As a youngster I spent some time sleeping in my sleeping bag in the garden till I was ready to be at home. Travelling is to live in the moment. Nothing can hold me back then. It is freedom."

"At the moment I am confused by all the things which happened about the same time, the death of my parents, the inheritance question: how to share it between my brothers and sister. I feel responsible for the house, garden and way of thinking of my parents and my father’s work.”

Desires:
Fond of bananas, oranges, fruits, muesli without additional sweetening, lots of tea with honey and fresh vegetables, lettuce, tomatoes. Fond of deserts, blackberries and bilberries, anything purple. Little meat.
Stool is sometimes soft.
Menses have been irregular. Pre menstrual; swollen breasts, sometimes headaches, and emotionally oversensitive.

"My steady relationship ended dramatically when I fell in love with another man. Dad did not want to talk to me at that time because of what I did to my former partner. It was a terrible intense time. Fidelity an loyalty is very important in life."

"I am chilly when ill, especially nose and feet. I like warm climates. Wind and wet aggravate my flu."

"My hearing is very good. Music, melody and rhythm are important to me."

"Sometimes I am scared that I have a serious disease when my body is hurting, like cancer or some venereal disease. Then I feel lonely. I am sometimes afraid of other people’s influences, I tend to be taken over by them quite easily and I can feel it physically through cramps. During tense periods I can suffer from belching. I tend to swallow my grievances."


Analysis:
Because of her strong connection with horses, the sixth sense qualities, awareness of nobility, the perseverance out of responsibility, the Indian ‘connection’, etc. I thought of a horse remedy.
Her health problems, with all kinds of infections, the high fevers and very low resistance to ‘intruding’ organisms, even human behavior, made me choose HIPPOZAENINUM LM3
(The nosode made of glanders, a serious chronic debilitating disease in horses and other equids. It has been put in the tubercular miasm.) To be taken for as long as she felt she needed it.


Follow up 4 weeks later:
She had a nose bleed (old symptom).
She has more energy and ”I can enjoy life again, so it is much better.”
She wants to travel to Zimbabwe or Baltimore where she is in love with a man.
“Something else important happened. During a performance in the States I ‘saw’ Dad and I had an aphasia for two days. I found a very special Indian fetish as a protection. A turquoise Zuni bear. When I held it in my hand I got warm again and began to speak."
She is training her body again and “I have a feeling that my left side is filling up again. It is more powerful.” The left shoulder is still painful. No more burning in the face.
Sleep is very good and the digestion a bit variable depending on the stress.
Less chilly.
She took the remedy almost daily.
Advice: take the remedy when needed.


During the next 10 months I saw her 8 times. She never had one other remedy. So I will give a summary of this period:

She regained her lively energy, felt powerful. She had healing dreams and went through a lonely period. Felt restless inside and rode a lot. “As if I grow younger although my body gets older. I feel that I should demand more attention for myself.” Had some evenings with a little fever with quick recovery.
She felt herself to be a medium, which is significant in her existence. She worked for her solo career. She made a trip on horseback through the Netherlands. Heavy going but exciting.
Her left shoulder is her weak point. She prefers to be with her horse all day instead of superficially talking with people. High principles and honesty are essential to her.
She feels great when she is performing her own play in the theater.
She had some light flu with a little coughing.
Pre menstrual, still painful breasts, worst at full moon.
In the last interview she told me that her left side is still a little weaker than right, just like with her horse.


I called her in August ’05 to ask if I could publish her case and she told me that she felt fine. She is now married and her theater work is going well. She lives partly in the States and partly in Holland now.
She found a place in the Pyrenees, in the south of France, for her horse, who has some tendon problems, where she can live for the rest of her days. She just came back from visiting her.

After sending her the text of her written case, she made some corrections and ended with the following remarks:
Out of this dream about the sacred cave with Indians came a new direction for my work:
I created a solo performance about la Malinche (a Native Mexican woman who became the interpreter and mistress of Hernan Cortes) and I directed a series of performances called “The Weeping Women” . I became involved with a theater group on Skid Row, LA, that makes theater with homeless and poor people and advocates new social policies.