It's about survival: a case of Nitrogenium

The patient is a thirty-seven-year-old man, a motivation trainer, who has been suffering from insomnia and fear for ten years, which are reducing his quality of life. He feels unwanted and unloved, and suffers from depression and fatigue. He lived In India for one and half years and later, eight years in a Buddhist community in the UK. His problems started one night in the UK. As he was dreaming, he suddenly felt a terrible fear. A figure came to him and he froze in horror. He started to repeat a Buddhist mantra but the figure put its hand on his back. Since then, his life has been full of fear. In the morning, he does not feel fresh and rested. He has tried many different therapies and is even taking antidepressants.

He practices yoga, eats a healthy diet, and does a lot of sports. Nevertheless, he feels disconnected from love because he experienced disappointments; his previous relationships ended almost before it began. He feels a great tension in his body, as if something is bitting inside of him: “There is something bad inside of me, something is missing. I have to push through and grit my teeth. I see the picture of Winetou (Native American chieftain from books of Karl May, ed.) as they removed a bullet from his body and he got a bit between his teeth. I feel tension, despair, defense, and exhaustion.”

Since his childhood, he felt unloved in this world. His parents were gymnastic trainers and he did a lot of sports, too, but he always suffered from fears. He is forgiving and calm, does not express anger, enjoys having a good time and entertains his friends by playing the guitar. Inside, however, he feels tension. He has to grit his teeth and continue on the walk of life, pushing himself and feeling lot of internal energy. It is a state between life and death; he does not live a full life and fears it will remain so for the rest of his life. Making a connection with others is very demanding, as if life retreated back into the core and froze; “It’s about survival.” He gestures a sphere shape. At this moment, the Sensation method, which was presented by Mahesh Gandhi in a Bratislava seminar, comes to mind. The patient was a perfect fit for this method. He has been meditating for years, so surely he will be able to let his inner song be heard and connect with his deepest feeling.

I encourage him to explain his gesture and what it means “as if life retreated back into the core.” Spontaneously he closes his eyes and says: “It’s about survival, darkness, like sitting in the dark, in the storm. Everything around me is difficult. I’m alone, abandoned. Sometimes, it is dark and sometimes grey. I feel inner pressure, but I have to go on and on. You have to. Come on! Something is restraining me but I have to continue. At the same time, I know how it is when freedom, openness, and light are there. At the back of my head, I have a dull sensation, a block, unmoved, a huge obstacle and I don’t know what to do. I won’t manage. Horror. It is becoming smaller and larger! Between me and the darkness, there is a little bit of room, as if I was in a bubble. It breathes. Sometimes, it is larger and sometimes smaller. I can move a little bit. Close to me is light, light energy, bright empty space. Behind the bubble spreads that darkness, dark matter which is expanding, applying pressure from all directions. I’m in that bright space. Sometimes, it feels tight and sometimes freer, but it keeps protecting me. Total loneliness. Nobody around me, and even if there is someone, I don’t see him. I need to get through.”  

He opens his eyes and draws a picture of the feeling he just described.

At the end of the consultation, which lasted for two hours, he starts to be nervous and keeps looking at his watch. He is polite and answers my additional questions, but starts to be anxious. Abruptly, he breaks off the consultation, saying he has to go to a meeting.

Prescription: Nitrogenium 1M, once every three weeks

Analysis

According to Mahesh Gandhi, the Carbon series is related to the time spent in the womb. Our patient returned to this period during our session. Based on the description of his inner feeling and the drawing, it was the time of birth.

Nitrogenium: it is the time when the baby is leaving the womb, it is the road. For this reason, nitrates and nitrogen have many problems connected to travelling. There is always some danger. “What if the pelvis is too narrow and I won’t get through, I will get stuck.” Great anxiety emerges in him and he fears death. Nitrogenium has a big problem when a specific time is given. If the birth time is set and the time is arriving, the child wants to leave the womb as quickly as possible. It does not want to get stuck and suffocate. The whole process of giving birth is a way for the child to leave the womb. Nitrogenium is fast, it needs space, and feels worse in a crowd. He needs more energy in order to separate from the womb. Nitrogenium has the feeling that he is stuck. He makes plans because he does not want to remain stuck; he prefers to go out of his house.

Follow up after three months

He feels very good, his fears have disappeared. He is having a very happy time. He found a girlfriend and started a very nice relationship with her. He is also more successful at work.
This fear, which had lasted for more than ten years, based on the painful memory of his own birth, disappeared after Nitrogenium; it is amazing!

Photo: Shutterstock
Man in dark blue tunnel; Eugene Sergeev