Walking the edge of a goat trail

Patient: a 30 year old mother of three girls.

27 February 2012

“I have pains I shouldn’t have at my age. There’s no cause, I’m as healthy as a horse. I have joint pains, especially my knees, wrists, and sometimes in my hands, when I’m working. I get tendinitis and humidity in my lungs, when I’m working with pigs.

“I’ve got shortness of breath with heart palpitations. I duck into another room so no one will see. One day, a bright red line showed down my forehead. The joint pain started then.

“My knees and lower back got bad during pregnancy. I had to crawl upstairs, I couldn’t walk. That’s not normal. I have minor pains lately in my joints but my abdomen has gotten bad. I’ve had inconsistent bowel movements for one year.

“Sometimes, I have trouble carrying through the day; I feel more anger than I should and I struggle to react properly. I don’t want my kids to have memories of mommy screaming.

“I feel pressure at the end of the day. It’s ‘me time’ and if that gets pushed back, I get angry. When my instructions are ignored, I get angry. If my husband comes home early, the kids bear the brunt of it; I get snappier with them. He’ll think I’ve been doing nothing all day. I don’t want him to think I’m lazy. Being a stay-at-home mom makes me feel like a sponge. I make sure what I’m doing is worthwhile in my husband’s eyes.

“When he’s tense, I’m tense. If he’s upset, I think it’s something I’ve done. It makes me feel stupid and worthless. I hate feeling stupid. It’s a closing off; something physical rises to my throat. I get shaky, quivery, and react in tears, or yelling, which he hates. I feel sick to my stomach. Either the pressure erupts or he erupts. Our fights get intense. At one point, I was dry heaving during the argument. I’m worse from any confrontations or fights. I hate it when he walks out.

“We argued a lot over the new house. He would steal time. We had to get out of Mom and Dad’s place. They’re chaotic, they both yell. Mom isn’t dangerous but she gets angry over the weirdest things and manipulates you with guilt trips. I’m disappointed in Mom. I used to put her on a pedestal. I couldn’t get out. I couldn’t help her.

“I had abdominal pain from my knees up to my chest one night! I’m worried I’ll become like Mom with all her GI diseases.

“I feel like I’ve done something wrong or let something slide. If I react in anger, I’ve done something I shouldn’t. I have to maintain control, especially with the kids.

“I’m better outside, in the summer, riding my horse.

“We always had anger issues that seem to destroy my family. It’s the cause of many jokes in the family: I would fly into rages, throw things, and hit people. People thought it was funny, seeing me take a swing at others. I would provoke people’s anger sometimes. I’d throw things at my sister, pull her hair or insult her horse. When I was twelve I noticed the damage I was doing. One day after attacking her, I felt ashamed of my anger (weeping). I need a release. Crying is a release. There’s anger, abuse, and beatings on both sides of the family. My grandfather encouraged the boys to fight; it was them against the world. There was an indiscriminate display of emotions all the time on my mom’s side of the family. She grew up in hell.

“Everything makes her angry, just like I am now. She’s been a victim her whole life, she was severely abused and she never learned to stand up for herself. She’d been ‘killed’. She had vicious nightmares. Her identity and worth has come from rising out of it.

“It’s a victim stance. I picture her stoop-shouldered, refusing to look beyond. We are what we think. If you think you’re a disorganized slob or a helpless victim, that’s what you’ll be.

“I feel fearful. What will happen to our family if she is institutionalized? We’ve always rallied around Mom. I’m scared for the younger kids. They work and then they slack. It’s like farm life: you slack in the winter. I worry about the kids. Who will take care of them?

“I need to look out for what’s best for my children and husband. I can’t sacrifice our security.

“I’m constantly fighting the fact that my security lies in my husband and children. No matter how wonderful he is, he’s going to let you down. Children can be taken from you. You have to care for them and let them grow up in a safe environment.

“If I don’t feel connected with my husband, I’m insecure. I don’t like him having a poor opinion of me. I don’t like making a blunder in front of him or others.

“When he’s tired and tense and we can’t communicate, I feel very insecure. I have trouble trusting that he is happy. Is he happy to be away from me? Is there someone else? I want to feel special to him, feel that I belong to him. I want him to think I’m the best woman in the world. I try to figure out what he likes and then be the best I can for him.

“I want him to be proud he married me, to never regret what he’s given up, that he holds me in high esteem, that I’m hard-working, that I’m beautiful and he’ll desire me. I miss the way he used to look at me with a softening and happiness. I was everything to him and I liked that.

“My husband gets jealous of my dogs. They’re very important to me. It’s worse when things aren’t going as they should. I have a hard time following through. My mind flies away easily and I daydream. I explore ideas in my head, plots and characters, plans and future things to enjoy or fanciful stories. At home, daydreaming made me feel like I was lazy. I hated housework and would rather muck through the barn or milk the cow.

“One day my daughter bit me and in a knee jerk reaction I slapped her. I felt angry with myself, being a failure as a mom.

“My puppy ran me over recently. I hit her twice in the nose: put her in a headlock and punched her twice. When I get scared, I get angry. I use anger for false courage, as a tool in a scary situation or in confrontations. Like with horses. If you go overboard with a horse, you’ll get hurt.

“I love my goats. They are the best of both worlds: canine and equine. They’re affectionate and quirky. If you believe they should act like a cow, they think you are going to shoot them. I have a connection with them. Horses scare me because I got run over.

“I am really scared of death, especially the death of a loved one. I worry about the children leaving the house. I’m afraid to leave them in their beds at night. I panic! What if they’re going to be used for a cult sacrifice?! Horrible panic attacks. I’m afraid of accidents while I’m driving and of robbers breaking in and hurting us. I’m afraid of my husband leaving me. The pain I would feel! I feel safe with him around. I’m also very jealous.

Sexuality?

“I can be highly sexual. He had trouble keeping up with me. Because I’m not beautiful, I felt inferior. I have dreams of sex with people I hated or with someone unattractive. That sickened me. Some of my sex drive has been keeping my husband happy so that he wouldn’t leave me.

Socially?

“With close friends, I’m territorial. I take things personally and feel territorial and jealous; with my husband, too. If someone sits next to him: that’s my position. Move! 

“My dreams are about trying to get somewhere and I can’t. Or something is missing, like my kids. Occasionally I, can manipulate them back.

High places? 

“No fear. I had flying dreams as a kid.  I’d climb into trees, right to the top, or to the top of the roof.  I went right to the edge of the Grand Canyon along a goat trail.  

Noise? 

“I jump from sudden noises. I’ll even shriek.

Cracking in joints? 

“My joints crack all the time and my knees grind going upstairs.

Perspiration? 

“I’ve got a strong odor at times. A weird, sharp smell, like rotten milk when I’m pregnant.

Milk? 

“I love milk. It’s hard not to drink it all the time.

Allergies? 

“I’ve got low grade allergies with chronic sinusitis; I’m always congested, worse from dust. I can get throat infections from horse dust, with bronchitis and sneezing and difficulty breathing.

Stomach pain? 

“It’s better from bending over, so is the chest pain. It’s like something pulling on the inside.

Vertigo?

“In the past it was like being in waves. I’d lie down.

“I have to tell you I believe in demons and I’ve suffered two supernatural attacks, so I want to be sure there’s nothing supernatural about your remedies.”

Absolutely not.

Analysis
Joint pains, stomach pain > bending double, fear, anxiety, mother, caring for children, anger from interruption, easy anger, wants to fight, jealous, territorial, loves milk, shortness of breath, palpitations. Goes right to the edge along a goat trail.

Rubrics
Anger easily

Anger from interruption

Anger uncontrollable

Dependant

Dreams of being in control

Dreams amorous/lascivious

Helplessness

Jealous

Rage/fury

Striking/desire to strike

Prescription: Lac caprinum 1M. Extra dose to repeat two weeks later.

Follow up 3 April 2012

“Things are fairly good. After the first dose, I had complete serenity. I’m not freaking out when I get upset. I had a doozey of a yeast infection with bloody discharge. I’ve had these ever since becoming sexually active and I get them about once a year, worse after having kids. After the second dose it felt as if the yeast infection would return but it didn’t.

“My joints have improved. I’m running two miles daily and there’s no pain. Shortness of breath hasn’t been an issue. No heart palpitations. The bowel movements are improving and I haven’t used purgatives since the remedy.

“Our relationship is calmer. I’m approaching things differently; I was able to realize he isn’t mad at me. We’ve only had one blow out and after we calmed down, we came to a good compromise.

“My mom still drives me nuts. She relies on everyone to do everything for her, but I feel more affection towards her despite the irritation.

“I’m able to control things better. Usually, I attack when I’m jealous, but recently I’ve been able to step back and see what caused that button to get pushed.

“I’ve had no unreasonable fears. I was able to control the fears that came when my husband was away.

“I haven’t let the thoughts take hold and put me in a frenzy of possessiveness around my family.

“I dreamt I was cut off from my family by a flooding river. All the kids were with me; even my sisters were with me. Usually when I dream, I’m looking for them.

“I’m still quite congested; I’ve been like that since childhood, when the church prayed over me. It affects my sleep.

“I really like that feeling of serenity. It would be nice not to be so scatterbrained.

“My scalp is very dry and my hair is oily. Maybe it’s detoxifying, it’s become so excessive.

“When I breast feed, it’s like a drug: instantly calming. It’s the best part of being a mother.”

Analysis

Return of old symptom (yeast infection)

Joints and digestion improved

Emotionally >

Anxiety >

Plan: Sac-lac. Lac caprinum 1M, on hand.

Follow-up 17 August 2012

“My wrists got worse from gardening. I was pulling weeds from sun up to sun down. In the past, the joint pain was worse in bad weather. The wrist pain was hugely better after repeating the remedy (1M Lac caprinum).

“Anger isn’t an issue. If I get upset, I don’t notice any physical symptoms. I’m able to stay calm in fights.

“I’m proud to not lash out. It’s so much worse to lose control. I’m not losing it and there are really good times at home.

“Allergies are horrible. Sneezing, burning in throat, but it hasn’t gone into a sinus infection or bronchitis like in the past.

“My husband takes his pressures out on me. It’s my job to support him and care for the house. He tells his friends I’m a good wife. He doesn’t do things to offend me. He’d rather have my acceptance than his friends.

“Our rows are getting more mature. I’m not throwing dishes. He’s not threatening my animals anymore.

“Skin is good. Eczema is gone.

“I had a dream that worried me about my stepbrother acting out sexually. In the past, I dreamed of someone molesting my sister and it turned out to be true. I had a sexual dream about my sister that freaked me out, too! Maybe I should keep my girls away from her.

“My mind can still go to the worst case scenario if my husband is too tired for sex, then I worry he’s had another woman. But I’m able to talk with him calmly about it now.

“No chest symptoms. I’ve been running and my heart rate gets back to normal quickly. My knees have improved greatly, there’s no pulling pain. No yeast infections and no need for lubricant during sex anymore.

“I’m not having the fears I’ve had of the demonic. I saw a picture of crop circles without becoming frightened or needing to pray and rebuke. There’s a lot we don’t know or see or understand. I put my faith in God and if we see something physically manifested — well, it strikes me that alien sightings are faked most of the time — we can’t counter it anyway. Talking about the end times and the anti-Christ doesn’t make me feel afraid anymore. I’m just going to live my life, ready.

“I’m a lot better. Serene. Calm.”

Analysis

Allergies returning but without developing into previous pathology.

Better on all levels.

Plan: Lac caprinum 1M for allergy symptoms. Sac-lac daily as needed for allergy symptoms.

Follow-up 12 October 2012

“With the daily dose there was great improvement with temperament as well as nasal stuffiness and allergies. I only take it when I need it now and that’s not very often.

“The pain is pretty well gone. No cramping in abdomen and no joint pain.

“Things with my husband are very good. We had a rough patch but worked it out easily. I chalk it up to prayer. God told me to make lists: a list of the ways my husband loves me, and a list of the ways I show him I love him. That last list took a lot of time, but afterwards my body language changed. Everything changed from that.

Jealousy? 

“It’s under control. I’m able to talk with him about it, even joke about it now. I asked him if he would reach out for me in a crowd. He does, and it’s good.”

Jessica Jackson lives and practices homeopathy in Edmonton, Alberta.

Photo: Wikimedia Commons
Goats kissing; Fir0002/Flagstaffotos